seldomifever: (shut up)
Play was funny! Although, I did doze for a few minutes towards the end. Thankfully, husband was there to gently nudge me awake before I could begin snoring. Win! But I really enjoyed it, and my sleepiness should in no way reflect on its likability. Note to self: see more plays. Also, get a better night's sleep, so you can stay awake through them.

Only three days left of our vacay and we still haven't been to Provincetown, turned in our tickets to Red Barn, or gone to the drive-in. Yipes!
seldomifever: (giles play)
Exciting day. Last night we learned our local grade school was set ablaze, which caused a great to-do. Then, this morning we read our superintendent nearly dropped dead of a heart attack at the scene, or, in fact, did drop dead, but was revived by firefighters with the aid of a defibrillator. Then, older son wiped out while riding his bike and passed out soon after, even though he'd been wearing a helmet. Cop came, then emts. They checked him over, released him, but told us not to leave him alone or let him sleep, just in case. :/ Now we're headed to the local theater to see a play about vibrators. Fun!
seldomifever: (oh)
We're lying in bed freezing here in this turn of the century hotel in Chatham, MA. It's been cold and rainy all day, and spending it getting drenched as we looked at house after house has left us both chilled to the bone. We've cranked the heat in this old room, but its weak output is hardly worth its rattle. Would much rather be listening to crashing waves and whipping wind, but whadda ya gonna do? It's fucking cold.

We found two houses we're considering making bids on, but we need to look them over again on Monday before we can make a decision. We spent dinner going over the pros and cons of each, trying to remember what made those two stand out above the rest. I have to say, choosing a house is torture for me. I am seriously afraid of the commitment. What if owning a house here ruins the Cape for us? What if we buy and regret it? What if the polar ice caps melt and the ocean levels rise so high that our investment is worthless in the next fifty years?

Husband stopped me. Said, "If we're lucky, we're gonna live for eighty years. We're already halfway through. It's not going to matter if the land is under water in fifty."

Huh. He has a point.

I want to be brave. I want to be decisive. And I'm sure that any day now I will be, but, in the mean time, I can't help but think about the fact that our yard here is sure to be filled with ticks. And not just any ticks - those eensy ones that are so small I will never be able to see without the help of my reading glasses that I hardly ever remember to wear, because I still think of myself as having perfect vision, even though it's been fairly obvious for the past couple of years that my eyesight is not what it used to be. And, honestly? Even if I did remember that I needed glasses, I would never be able to find them, because I have a terrible habit of continually misplacing them, so, you see, it's really only a matter of time before one of us gets Lyme disease. Buying a house in Eastham won't seem like such a brilliant plan then, now, will it?
seldomifever: (manchild)
My daughter has decided to teach herself to play the real drums by following along on the practice option of Rock Band. I have now listened to the first 40 seconds of Roxanne 600x in the past two hours. Urg. She does sound pretty incredible, though. She's been playing expert on drums for the past few months, and somehow it is translating into real life drumming skillz. Man, she's so damn cute, I could squeeze the stuffing right outta her. Is there anything on this earth cooler than a girl drummer? Uh-uh.

Have decided to skip reccing today. No good reason, just not in the mood. Can I tell you how pathetic it feels to still care about the site when nearly no one else does? But I want it to survive. And I want people to continue to love it as much as I do.

Spent the day feeling like I'm coming down with another cold. Normally this would depress me, but today it is just making me want to nap or cuddle up with a good book. I've been sorting through my shelves and I came across an unread copy of The Handmaid's Tale. Lord knows how long I've owned it. I have no memory of buying it, but its Costco price tag tells me it must have been an impulse buy one summer when I was looking for something to bring to the Cape. Buy most books in July, just before we go. We may take another stab at looking at houses there this weekend. Now that we're definitely moving our boat from the Sound to Cape Cod Bay, we've fallen back in love with the idea of owning a piece of land on which to store it. Must be flat and cleared, and have a year-round house with at least three bdrms, a fireplace, and 2 bths so we won't have to take turns. Also, there's a Must Not Be Frightening rule that gives me full veto power if I think it's gonna creep me out to go up alone (read: with three kids, a dog, a cat, and a bunny). I scare easily.
seldomifever: (Default)
Good Grief! Fucking Texas.

Drive home from Cape took forever, but everyone kept their cool and their spirits up, so it was far less painful than it might have been. Literally took about three hours to go 50 miles, but that's what you get when you leave at 10am on a Saturday in August. We know better. Came home to this relevant New Yorker cartoon. It's funny, 'cause it's true.

Thought I had more to say, but I guess I really don't, so I'll just leave you with Matthew Dickman's fine poem this evening.
seldomifever: (giles/ru)
Our last day. Usually by now I am ready to return and face the realities vacation allows me to avoid, but this year, I don't want to leave. Three weeks doesn't feel like enough time. There's so much more that I want to do here. I won't miss eating out every day. That gets old pretty fast. We could cook, but we never do when we're here. One big meal and lots of snacking is standard Cape Cod fare. You know it's bad when your children are saying things like "Ice cream again?" Yes, ice cream, and you're gonna eat it or you won't get any supper later.

We spent too much time looking at houses, but the fact that we're leaving without owning one makes me a little sad. Probably because we'll have to keep driving up here whenever the realtor thinks she's found "the one", and that's gonna suck. I hope she understands what we like and don't like well enough to choose wisely before asking us to drive all this way. She's pretty sharp, so I am putting my faith in her. Plus, realtors on the Cape work for you. In NY, they only represent the seller, and they're always turning the screws, but here they seem more apt to really listen.

We have to pop over and pick up our pup this morning. Having him in a kennel has worked out far better than I'd expected. I miss him, but I don't miss the work of doggie ownership. S'like having a baby in many ways, and now that my children are finally older, it's a kind of a drag to have to take a step backwards.

What does it mean when nearly every aspect of your real life fills you with dread? I'm thinking that's not so good. I wish we were people who could just decide to live a more alternative lifestyle already. We have several friends who do, and they seem pretty happy, but that's never a true litmus test, is it? I mean, anybody can seem happy. Heck, if you weren't privy to my bellyaching, you might see me and say, "My, there goes a happy lady." Hm. Probably not.
seldomifever: (landscape)
We went to the harbor theater tonight and saw The Mistakes Madeline Made. Boy, have we been missing out. These shows have now made it to the things-we-must-do-while-on-the-Cape list. The place is small, but the seats were exactly like a movie theater. A seven-row movie theater, but still, unexpected. Husband bought us front row seats, which turned out to be far less excruciating than I feared. Felt a bit strange to have the main character sobbing about six inches from your feet, but that was about the extent of my pain. Play was funny, acting was great, and for thirty bucks a pop, the prices can't be beat. We had a much better time than when we took in Spamalot. Think I'll stick to small productions from now on. Also was most grateful that actors were as good as they were. I hate having to sit through "I Can Do That!"-type performances. Think we'd become friends of W.H.A.T. even if it meant we wouldn't get a cool sticker in return.

After the show, we headed over to the Harbor Freeze, though I'm pretty sure I'm dating myself. Place hasn't been called that in many years, but it beats me what its new(ish) name is. We waited forever for a little soft serve, but had a little excitement thrown in when someone behind us said, "Ooh, that's Wallace Shawn from The Princess Bride." We looked over, and sure enough, there was Wallace heself, strolling around the Freeze. Kind of stood out, because everyone else wore shorts and t-shirts, and he was all decked out in black with this long striped scarf hanging around his neck, looking very much the Ac-tor. And he walked so slowly, with such little purpose, staring and smiling at the people on line, it seemed he wanted to be recognized. A woman ahead of us asked who he was again, and I described his character in PB, and she had a vague recollection. Has he been in anything else, she wanted to know, but all I could come up with was Manhattan and My Dinner with Andre, and if she couldn't remember The Princess Bride, there was no way she'd seen the others. Finally, I gave up and said, "He's been in everything. You've definitely seen him." Anyway, that was kind of neat. I've lost count on our Brush with Greatness, Cape Cod division, but I know he's at least the third famous person we've gawked at up here.

Um, what else? Sign on the house we bid on now says "Sale Pending". We called our realtor and told her. She said not to worry about it, that it just meant the sellers were done showing the house. She'll let us know tomorrow where we stand. Honestly, we were a little relieved when we thought we'd missed it. Big commitments are scary, scary.

Ooh, and I think ODD is back up. Hooray!!
seldomifever: (b/g)
I feel strangely optimistic about the chances of us getting this house we're bidding on, which isn't like me. Not usually one to let myself feel hopeful when the odds are against us, but still. I've got a good vibe going. If we don't get it, it's no big whoops, but this house would be da bomb. Town approved 5 bdrm septic systems are like gold in these parts. Impossible to get unless grandfathered in, and rarely within a price range we can afford. Septic systems are more repulsive to me than just about anything, and the fact that the water in these towns all comes from wells is quadruply gross when you think about it. Yech. I'd want some sort of reverse osmosis filter installed as soon as we could afford it.

Only four full days left here. Sadness. Worst part is that husband will not be around as much. We've grown accustomed to his face. Hurts like heck when he's gone fourteen+ hours a day for months on end. Sigh.
seldomifever: (scruffy)
We drove into town this morning, where we spent too much money on t-shirts for our girl and ate too much food at George's Pizza. We also spoke to our real estate agent today. We've decided to put in a back-up bid on the 5 bedrm Cape near the bike path in Eastham. Technically, they've accepted another bid, but the would-be buyers are already out of contract, so we'll know within a couple of days if we have a chance. She said that the sellers would love for us to buy their house, though, because they thought our family was sweet and that our children were very well behaved and polite. Old folks always come up to us at restaurants, etc., and tell us how impressed they are with the children. I think that's because most people take one look at a group of kids and wish they were sitting in another area of the restaurant, but then when they're done eating and realize their meals were not disturbed by a bunch of whiny pitas, they feel compelled to say something.

We're prolly going to leave the kids with my sister on Wed and check out a performance by the Wellfleet Harbor Actors Theater. We've never been, and it seems like fun, so we thought we'd give it a shot. Mostly, I just want to see if I can get my hands on an "I support W.H.A.T." sticker for my car, but I fear I'll have to actually donate fifty dollars to get one. I'm on a quest to decorate our new car top carrier with only the grooviest stickers. How many people would have that one, eh? Also, Wellfleet Public Library? Pretty damn exciting, if you ask me. I wonder if we could get something special if we go to the free Shakespeare performance under the tent across from Mayo Beach. My husband said, "I thought you swore off Shakespeare", but I think I could suffer through another performance of the Tempest, if there was the promise of a sticker somewhere in there. Also, I just read this book called Dating Hamlet that I got from the library, and it's made me rethink my earlier position.

No news or opinions on ODD, huh, cats? I think archivists have a social and moral obligation to give people the chance to take over their sites if they get tired of running them. Not that I know a thing about maintaining websites, but I certainly could help finance them, if given a chance. I think we need a comprehensive site where all btvs stories are archived, whether we can get the authors' permission or not. In fact, I think that trying to maintain control over one's work after it's publicly posted seems to go against the very nature of fan fiction in the first place. Or is that just my desperation to keep every single word alive forever talking?
seldomifever: (giles/ru)
House hunting has taken over the relaxing part of our vacation. We've spent the past few days looking at several homes in Eastham, one in Orleans, and one in Wellfleet. They range from large five bedrooms to little three bdrms, from fixer-uppers to homes in perfect condition. What draws us to one house over another? We thought location would matter more than anything, but have since learned that we can't accept busy, noisy roads just for a view. We're more apt to like huge handyman specials than smaller anything elses, but also feel as though a house that needs little to no work would be best for us. We're willing to sacrifice Wellfleet for Eastham homes that run about a hundred thousand dollars less. What to do, what to do? We're going to talk to the nice realtor lady and see if the bid someone else made on the five bedroom has fallen through, and then we'll prolly take in a few more homes before finalizing our decision. Is buying a second home worth the expense? We love it here. Would that change if we could come whenever we wanted? Dunno. But now's the time to do this, while our kids are young and interest rates are good. Land is probably the best investment you could ever make--God's not making any more. At least nothing we'd be able to use any time soon. But I am afraid. Always feel as though there's a right and a wrong decision, even though I know that's just not the way the world works.

And please, someone, tell me that Of Demons and Destiny is not gone for good. I'll be devastated if this is true. Who ran the site? How do we plead for its return?
seldomifever: (16yroldb/g)
We finally made it over to the public library yesterday, after about a week and a half of talking about it. There was a crowd gathered on the porch by the entrance, waiting for the doors to open. Turns out the library is quite the hot spot. Literally. Everyone was there for the computers or the wifi. We were there for the novelty and the middle school summer reading list and the free passes to Plymouth that I completely forgot to ask about. We left with two much-needed books for our soon-to-be eighth grader, three for the littlest, and two YA titles for me. Also helped support the library by picking up a neat canvas tote and sticker. They're trying to raise $30,000 to go solar. Why doesn't our library at home ever do progressive things like that? Something to bring up with the local ptb, perhaps.

We drove through a neighborhood in Eastham yesterday that overlooked a marsh and Rock Harbor that was to die for. And the houses only run about a million and a half. That shouldn't be too difficult to swing when I come back in my next life as David Sedaris. Or maybe if I scrimp and save, and sell my children to the highest bidder, I can have it in this lifetime, too.

Husband wants to look at houses again. He tells me he's going to call realtors today. Not sure why the idea of looking at things we cannot afford depresses me so. He sees it as good fun. I find it anxiety producing. As it is, I've been waking up at four every morning in a state a panic. Not cool. A definite sign that I am not exercising enough up here. Moving frees my brain, and the past week has been a bit on the lazy side. Maybe we'll hike the Fort Hill trail today, if it's not too sticky.

Came across this website after looking up le petit mort, and then following the links. "See also" has taken on a whole knew meaning on the net. Who on earth would have imagined there would be sites devoted to this crap? Fucked up.

(This post's title is brought to you by Scott Nash's Tuff Fluff, and by the number 3. Both big hits with the boys.)
seldomifever: (nice)
Yesterday was a lazy day. Cool and comfortable, so we just hung around reading for most of it. We drove out to Provincetown in the afternoon and had to park up in the giant high school lot on the hill, which meant we had to walk down the alley past the Atlantic House Bar to get to Commercial Street. This bar has a historical plaque on the wall that says that Eugene O'Neill wrote several of his plays there many years ago. Makes me want to go in and check it out, because I love shit like that, but Atlantic House is a gay bar now and I'm too chicken. Hate to go where I'm not wanted.

I remember when my brother was dying, he decided that he wanted my husband and me to fly out to LA and drive with him to Palm Springs. Wanted us to stay in an exclusively gay hotel, asked if we'd mind. I said we didn't care, but I wanted to be prepared: Are we talking naked men everywhere? He said maybe. Told him that'd be fine with me. I'm all for nudity (other peoples, of course. Not my own.) But when we finally flew out to see him, it was too late. He was hours away from dying. We went out anyway, because one of the last things he'd told my parents before he slipped into his morphine-induced coma was that he wanted me to know that our trip to Palm Springs was still on. It suddenly seemed really important to see him one last time. I was telling one of his friends afterwards that I felt bad that we'd never gotten to take our trip with him. The friend said, "I told him that taking you and your husband to Palm Springs was a terrible idea." He said that my brother would have been the first person at the hotel to be annoyed if someone dragged their straight relatives to stay with them there.

A friend of mine used to hang out in gay bars all the time when she lived in Chicago. She says she never felt unwelcome, but I'm guessing that was because people were probably too polite to tell her to piss off.
seldomifever: (oh)
I've decided that when I get home, I'm going to hire myself a personal trainer and get into fantastico shape already. Enough is enough, eh? In the meantime, though, I can't seem to stop myself from packing on some extra vacationy poundage. Mrr. It's all that yummy ice cream that's to blame. I cannot resist the temptation of Ben and Jerry's and their damn Coffee Coffee Buzz Buzz Buzz. Also, it is a well-known fact that Peppermint Stick shakes at PJ's are to die for. Thankfully, P.S. (as we in the know might call it on our lazier days) is a most coveted flavor and usually does not last for more than a few hours after delivery. When PJ's runs out, the only other place on the Outer Cape that carries Ppprmnt Stck (nthr lttl-knwn abbrvtn) that I know of is all the way out in P-Town at Turner's. Now some of you may think that driving fifteen some-odd miles for a little ice cream sounds pret-ty darn indulgent, but what you don't know is that Turner's sells the best fudge ever in the whole history of mankind. That said, it would be sinful (and yet so like an out of shape person, really) to pollute the planet with all of that carbon monoxide for just a quick bite of ice cream and then not pick up at least one small box of fudge. Can one really put a price on manna? And what gaineth a woman if she eatith this manna and loseth her girlish figure? I'm guessing about ten pounds, at this rate.

And oh, we visited the dog today after skipping the past two, and I'm pleased to say he missed us--He really missed us. 'Bout time, I'd say, but I decided that I wouldn't lay a guilt-trip on him, and just allowed myself to bask in the puppy love. It was wonderful.
seldomifever: (manchild)
My sister stopped by yesterday with her four children. Adult children. And I told her how sad I've been this trip. How I can't stop thinking about Russell and Grammie and Jerry Marquess and all of the other people who are no longer with us. I said that I feel bad about the fact that my daughter is turning into a teen who doesn't seem to like me any more and how little progress my middle son seems to be making with his problems despite the years and years of effort I've put into him. She listened for a while and then said, "Oh, you're just upset because my kids are going away to college and I'm moving." One of her sons said to her, "Yeah, it's all about you." But you know, the minute she said it, I knew it was true. I bought the house around the block from them, because I loved her children like they were my own. I found myself unable to move away from them for the same reason, and now? "You hate change," she told me, and then went back to reading her email. Hrm. She's right. Awareness hasn't lessened my sadness, but giving it a name and a focus has definitely helped a bit. Cape Cod is often a cathartic experience for all of us, and I just need to sit back and let it work its magic.

In the meantime, I've been turning my kids on to the Beatles. Rock Banding has brought music back into our daily lives with a vengeance. We never drive anywhere without an ipod hooked into our car's speaker system, cranking out tunes like our own little traveling classic rock station. Abbey Road, my friends. "Because the world is round it turns me on"? Yes! Exactly!

This morning, I'm gonna give my children this gift, only it will have to be sans video, because dial-up is total crap. I need to get myself some sort of satellite connection. Husband says if I'm finally willing to turn in my five-year-old cell phone for a new one, we can get something that connects to my computer. I can't remember any of the details, except that I need to find a new phone. Wonder if that's something I can do up here, or if I have to wait 'til we get back home.
seldomifever: (landscape)
Cape Cod is a strange place for me. I've been coming here every year for most of my life. I think we skipped it once when I was about 8 months old and my parents took us all to Nova Scotia instead, and then when I was six and we went to visit some friends in Maine. I love Wellfleet, but I'm not always extremely happy when I'm here. I'm usually pretty contemplative, I guess, and sometimes, like this year, I find myself overwhelmingly sad. After nearly forty years this place is full of ghosts for me. Everywhere I go and everything I do evokes some memory of all the people I've loved and lost here. And it's not just all of our dead friends and relatives that I miss (although they're a large part of it)--it's me, my kids, my parents, youth and hope and expectations. I don't know. Heh. Prolly should have kept that phone session therapy appointment I decided to blow off a couple of days ago.

I drove my daughter over to the book store in Orleans this morning. We got there an hour before it opened, because the woman who worked there had warned us that that new Twilight series book was gonna be huge and that they were only getting twenty copies. We hung out on a bench playing Quidler. Several other teens showed up after about a half an hour and the guy at the store opened early, just cause he was cool. Then we stopped at a farmer's market on the way home and bought a bouquet of fresh-cut wild flowers in this groovy smoked-glass vase and some organic smelly soaps that are so beautifully wrapped in handmade paper that I'll probably never have the heart to open them.

Now, we're gonna go for a swim and then head on over to the library and then maybe pick up some Box Lunch. Tonight will either be another repeat of last night, when we played games at my sister's cottage with everyone, or the kids will all head on over to Red Barn for mini-golf and arcade games. Either way it should be fun, provided I can get past these crying jags that keep hitting me out of the blue. Love to be able to say it's all hormones, but I think it would be a cop out to say they're to blame.
seldomifever: (Default)
My daughter fixed whatever was wrong with our internet service and her computer is working now. I'm not going to bother trying to get mine hooked up until my husband comes tomorrow with the essential Apple part I accidentally knocked off my computer before I left. Thing is, I knew I knocked it off and thought "Oh, I'll get that later", which is kind of funny when you think about it.

I spent the first 24 hours here at the Cape fretting over my pup. The people who own this house we rent have a strict no pet policy, and the kennel I'd planned on bringing him to looked like something out of Deliverance, so I was hemming and hawing. Should I just keep him here in his crate in the basement? What if the neighbors turn me in? What if they think that dog poops someone else left over on the path was my dog's and then they curse me when they step in it? After listening to me carry on about this for a few minutes, my brother-in-law made me call a half a dozen other kennels until I found one that could take the Guf.

The place is in Orleans and is very clean and the people there are very sweet and Guthrie seems happy enough. We visited him this morning and drove him over to a nearby parking lot by the best Chinese restaurant on the Cape (Hunan Gormet III, if you're ever out this way). We walked him and played a bit and petted him, and he was exactly the same as he always is. Kind of a let down, really. I'm not sure why, but I thought seeing us would mean so much more to him than it did, that he'd act more grateful somehow. I mean, we had just driven fifteen miles just to hang out with him, the least he could have done is pretended he'd missed us as much as we missed him, don't you think?

Um, what else? My parents had a bat hanging in the rafters above their bed at the cabin they're staying in, which is one of my worst nightmares come true. Snakes also scare the pants off of me, so when we had a black racer chasing a bird across our lawn the other day, I was bugging out for hours. Still, it was better than the time the black racer was in our house here on the pond, so I guess it could have been worse.
seldomifever: (16yroldb/g)
I spent an absurd amount of time watching Jonathan Ross clips on YouTube last spring. I was dying to see our lovely Mr. Head appear on his show and now he finally is! Yippee! I hope someone puts it on YouTube for me, because I'd hate to miss it. Hmm...I see ASH changed his photo on his website again. I don't like it. So there. Bah! Enough of this drivel.

Other drivel: We had to leave the Cape a day early because youngest was up all last night with a terrible ear infection. He's been sick all week and we just dragged him along with us until he could go no further. Boy has a very high threshold for suffering, so by the time he cries, you know it's serious. Luckily, his doc was willing to call in script and did not make him suffer needlessly as so many doctors are willing to do. Sadistic bastards.

We looked at several condos, co-ops, and houses during our visit. Two interested us. One is a year-round house steps from the bay, but it's in Eastham. And we're not really bay people. We like the lakes in Wellfeet, but still...how often are we going to have an opportunity to be anywhere near the water? The house needs tons of work, is on the high end of our price range, and kind of skeeved me (high critter quotient). I keep thinking about the fact that supposedly water levels are rising. Maybe we should be looking to buy on higher ground.

Second place we liked is a much less expensive condo no where near the water. We've stayed at this place in a different condo many times, and know exactly what to expect. It is virtually maintenance-free. We'd have to redo the bathroom and add ceiling fans, but that's about it. Hrm...what to do...what to do...

Cape Cod is about the most perfect place on Earth, so I guess we can't go wrong, no matter what we choose. I left feeling acutely aware of how much I love living in the Northeast. Fantastic place. The only thing that would make it better would be if most of the people here moved someplace else. Someplace out West to an empty state--Wyoming, perhaps--so we can have all of the good, goodness to ourselves. Should work on getting some sort of government incentive in place. Like the Homestead Act, or something equally clever.

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